This post should really be called “Delusional Ramblings of a College Junior with 3 Finals Left.”
The point of this? I’m not quite sure. I’m just really tired of studying the same damn thing. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to take classes that blended in together?
WOMEN MAKE LESS THAN MEN. I GET IT ALREADY. STOP HATING ON ME CLASSES.
I always ask myself why I’m able to stick through with some things sometimes, and other times I’m not able to stick through with it at all. I think that might just be me questioning about something that doesn’t have an answer.
In around 5 months, I’m going to be 21. Turning 20 didn’t really seem like a big deal to me, nor did turning 19. 18 was kind of a big deal, but I didn’t have any big celebrations. When I turned 18, I was in Taiwan at an amusement park with my 11 year old (?) cousin. However, this time it’s going to be really different. When I turn 21 this year, I’m going to be working in New York City at a job that I’m currently really excited about.
There’s a few things I want before I turn 21 though. Things that I know are achievable. I’m not the kind of person to want things that aren’t really achievable— it’s not me anymore. When I turn 21, I want to be happy with myself. I want to be completely happy being me. I want to be comfortable with everything.
To achieve my goals for this summer and my 21st birthday, it just means that I need to be more disciplined. So it starts now, today, this moment. Let’s work towards me being happy.
I think sometimes I convince myself that I’m doing something for myself rather than for someone else. Then I realize that I’m no longer sure. I’m no longer sure if it’s something I truly enjoy or if it’s something someone else enjoys. Not that it’s always a problem, because if I really don’t want to do something, I typically won’t do it. Which means that if I am doing something for someone else, on some level, I want to do it as well. Even if it is for the other person.
I think the reason why I’m thinking about this is because of something someone said to me. At the time, I didn’t really think anything of it. They were just stating their opinion I suppose. But now, after sitting around, unable to sleep (for other reasons, not this one), I realize that I did consider it. I did consider doing something for someone else. It honestly bugged me a little at first, but honestly, I think everyone does it on some level. It might be a little thing and it might be a big thing. I think that as long as it doesn’t take away who you are, you should be fine.
On another note, I really would like to know why my apartment keeps getting mugged. First me, and then my roommate- all within three days. It’s really ridiculous. Who robs people in broad daylight??? I was having such a good day too. Don’t kids know better these days? Of course I know it was stupid for me to chase after her, but honestly, even if I didn’t chase after her, I would’ve made a huge ass scene regardless. And then my roommate gets mugged tonight. Luckily she had that bottle on her, but what if she didn’t??? I really don’t want to think about what could’ve happened.
Life is a little ridiculous lately, but besides recent muggings and a few other mishaps, I’ve been having a really good semester lately. I’m actually really happy!
This weekend was a blur to me. It has to be because I was so incredibly tired. And it isn’t like I don’t remember anything that happened this weekend. In fact, I remember quite a lot of what happened this weekend. I remember my stomach hurting on Friday, snowboarding on Sunday, and learning how to put on tire chains on Sunday. Okay, I definitely remember more than just that, but that’s the gist of it.
What’s really weird to me is that I can’t remember what’s real or what was created from my imagination because of my fatigue. And it’s not something I can ask about. How are you supposed to be like, did this happen? I’m not quite sure. Now before your mind goes wandering off somewhere, it really wasn’t that bad. I’m just a little confused on everything that was going on.
I’m just going to keep listening to them sing. Them- as in multiple people. I’m going to keep listening to their raspy/sometimes clear/deep voices. It’s relaxing and I need to stay relaxed.
By the way, when did I turn into such a bad guy? When did you get to decide to take the high road and turn me into #scumbag? Not fair.
Happy New Years!
Cheers to another year ended! Cheers to people making out on my television! Cheers to me still having strep throat!
This year was an interesting one. New friends made. Crazy adventures with old friends and best friends. Lots of ups and downs. Failures and successes.
I hope 2013 will be a good one. Heading to the airport in less than 24 hours. LOL. YOLOOOOO!
I really hate feeling unhappy. The feeling where you don’t smile and you don’t laugh because that’s just how uncomfortable you are.
It’s the morning already, and it’s Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday of the year. For some reason though, nothing feels like it’s in place. Everything has changed, and I really don’t think it’s for the better.
The marks that won’t disappear right now will eventually fade. Eventually everything will become a distant memory. But right now, right now I have to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with the decisions that I’ve made, uncomfortable with the things that have changed, and uncomfortable with myself.
This is so depressing.
